things change in a blink of an eye.

Well, last time we chitchated, I talked about how I had a new boyfriend and how things were going good; but things have already changed and I broke up with him. He was like a stage 5 clinger! People keep telling me that I'm so mean for breaking up with him but I just couldn't deal with him anymore. He is so well liked by a ton of people so breaking up with him was kind of hard but I can't force feelings that really aren't there like I thought they were. It all started a couple weeks ago when we were arguing about hanging out. I work every single day out of the week so I don't necessarily have time to always go talk to him or to see him thoughout the week. But last Friday, I told him I just wanted to hangout with my friends for one weekend. Alone. Yeah, ONE weekend, that's all. But goodness, he wasn't for that. He said it was "bogus of me" to want to see my other friends and not go see him at all since I hadn't seen him all week long. Personally, I didn't think it was that big of a deal so I just ignored all his texts and phone calls. After awhile, I felt a littttttle bad for ignoring him the whole night so I finally called him and told him what I was doing. Which was hanging out with my best friends. Suzanna and Kira. Of course, he was mad and didn't understand why we could all just hangout since Suzanna is dating one of his best friends anyways; I just didnt want to. Anyways, since I had to work in the morning, I was just going to go home and sleep. He was soo mad at me. But oh well, it was a bit ridiculous that he felt he had to see me everyyyy weekend! So later on, we started a new week (which was last week) and again, I worked every day so I didnt have time to go see him. Along came the weekend and I had my grandpa's wedding to go to (yeah, a 67 year old man getting remarried...puke) but my family and I went to the wedding and to the reception afterwards and tried to be as nice as we could be. Later on that night, I left and took my brother to his friends house and I wasn't about to go back to that reception so I called my bff, Suzanna and asked her what she was doing and she told me she was going to a movie with Matt. She invited me to come along and to invite my boyfriend but I did not want to do that. I dont know why, I just didnt want to half to be around my boyfriend. So I didnt go.....but I may have made a bad decision; because I went to another guy's house. Once I got there, I texted my "boyfriend" and told him that I was at Dylan's house hanging out and I asked if that was a big deal to him. He didnt want to start another fight with me, so he just said "no I dont care." I sent back "thanks." and that was the end of that converstation until about two hours later when I got a text that he was getting calls from his ex girlfriend (who was dating Dylan's brother) saying I was "messing around with Dylan upstairs and he shouldn't trust me." ohhh boy, I was so mad that once I left there, I texted her and we got into an argument. It wasn't good. Kind of funny, but not good. So.... I went home around midnight and went to bed. Come Sunday morning, I have at least 9 messages on my phone from my boyfriend asking why I went to see Dylan instead of him last night and he just didnt understand what was going on. I replied with, "I need a break from this. You keep freaking out about everything I do and I dont need to hear about it. Its my senior year and I dont want to be tied down with you right now." Andddd he freaked out of course but I got my problem solved by ending it. I hate relationships and I dont know why I put myself in the situation where I end up getting into one. I am doneeee doing that! :) 

why do things have to be so hard.

Sitting here on my bed thinking about what to write about is harder than I expected. It's hard when you have something to say but yet dont know how to say it. I currently now have a new boyfriend... I have been talking with this guy for about a month now and we are finally dating now and I am happy about it but at the same time I dont know if I was really ready for all this. I dated a guy all summer long and I have had a thing with him since my freshman year. This past summer when we started dating, we were together almost everyday. We went so many places together and did so many fun things. But once summer was over and were about to start school again, he freaked out and we broke up. There wasnt ever really a closer period in all this and being with someone else makes me think I am over him but when I am just sitting here on my bed and I get a text from him, it makes me wonder what else could have been. I know that I shouldn't go back to him but it is soo hard to just sit here and wonder what the real reasons were. I hate being confused and that is all I am now.
...I don't know what to do.

so close......sometimes things end so better things can come along.

I have realized that life goes by so fast. You start out thinking you have the best of plans for when you grow but but its crazy how quickly things can change. My freshman year, I got super close with a girl that I never really thought I would have been friends with. Turns out we became inseperable. She knows everything about me, all my secrets. We spent every single day of summer together, went on college visits together, looked for apartments, and when we got into fights with our parents, we also had each other to turn to. I trust her with everything. But as high school has gone on, we continued to stay close until this year. Granted, we are still close but not like we were. We both have two jobs, go to school, we don't have any classes together, and even though we share a locker I hardly see her. She has started drinking a lot lately too and I'm just not into that very much so we are drifting apart. But this wasn't all bad because I now have a new best friend. It's crazy how I develop relationships with people whom I never expected. Just goes to show, life always plays tricks and it never goes as expected. I guess why they say live in the moment not the past nor the future.